Do you have an imaginary brake when you sit on the front passenger side?
Do you hate driving someone who uses an imaginary brake?
What is an imaginary brake?
LOL, let me tell you. I have imaginary brake whenever I travel in a car driven by someone else. It doesn’t matter if the someone is a hunk that I have crushes on (last time la), my boss who is a prominent Datuk, my boss’s driver who have years of safe driving experience, old apeks taxi-driver or my spouse of 17 years.
My ex-colleague, Mel hate me because of this. She was an Ipoh-mali, divorced, outgoing, beautiful gal. Whenever she drove me around town, I would use my imaginary brake. The only time when she did not scolded me ‘lei hou suey keh’ (you very celaka) were times when she couldn’t drive because she was too drunk and had to rely on me driving her.
By now, do you know what is imaginary brake? It is my reflex action to step on a non-existence brake whenever I feel the driver should brake. You know, sort of like a driving instructor taking his charge out on the road for the first time. Those cars for learning to drive have brakes on the driver and front passenger side.
I know it is annoying. I can’t help it. I would automatically stretch my right leg out and pump on the floorboard.
And my poor spouse had to endure,
“Oi, lanciau, careful la.” (first degree of danger)
“Dear, watch out.” (not so dangerous)
“Oh papa, don’t tail so close la please.”
Sometimes, when we are on leisure drive, I would put my foot on the dashboard. You know, like those lorry or truck drivers? With a toothpick in their mouth. Very the ‘Chow Yuen Fatt’ style. Just today, it happened. My imaginary brake is on the dashboard. LOL! And the word, ‘Oi, lanciau’ popped out. By now, my kids are used to it ‘cos it is just part of the body like ‘nose’.
And so far, my imaginary brake (and loud mouth) serves it purpose. Touch wood! It evades many near misses.
*sigh* Prolly by now my atm is contemplating getting an imaginary wife who can’t drive and doesn’t know cars have brakes.
So, now you tell me. Do you have this imaginary brake too? Or do you ever wish to open the car door midway while driving and dump passengers like me? LOL!