The imaginary brake (backseat driver)

Do you have an imaginary brake when you sit on the front passenger side?

Do you hate driving someone who uses an imaginary brake?

What is an imaginary brake?

LOL, let me tell you. I have imaginary brake whenever I travel in a car driven by someone else. It doesn’t matter if the someone is a hunk that I have crushes on (last time la), my boss who is a prominent Datuk, my boss’s driver who have years of safe driving experience, old apeks taxi-driver or my spouse of 17 years.

My ex-colleague, Mel hate me because of this. She was an Ipoh-mali, divorced, outgoing, beautiful gal. Whenever she drove me around town, I would use my imaginary brake. The only time when she did not scolded me ‘lei hou suey keh’ (you very celaka) were times when she couldn’t drive because she was too drunk and had to rely on me driving her.

By now, do you know what is imaginary brake? It is my reflex action to step on a non-existence brake whenever I feel the driver should brake. You know, sort of like a driving instructor taking his charge out on the road for the first time. Those cars for learning to drive have brakes on the driver and front passenger side.

I know it is annoying. I can’t help it. I would automatically stretch my right leg out and pump on the floorboard.

And my poor spouse had to endure,
“Oi, lanciau, careful la.” (first degree of danger)
“Dear, watch out.” (not so dangerous)
“Oh papa, don’t tail so close la please.”

Sometimes, when we are on leisure drive, I would put my foot on the dashboard. You know, like those lorry or truck drivers? With a toothpick in their mouth. Very the ‘Chow Yuen Fatt’ style. Just today, it happened. My imaginary brake is on the dashboard. LOL! And the word, ‘Oi, lanciau’ popped out. By now, my kids are used to it ‘cos it is just part of the body like ‘nose’.

And so far, my imaginary brake (and loud mouth) serves it purpose. Touch wood! It evades many near misses.

*sigh* Prolly by now my atm is contemplating getting an imaginary wife who can’t drive and doesn’t know cars have brakes.

So, now you tell me. Do you have this imaginary brake too? Or do you ever wish to open the car door midway while driving and dump passengers like me? LOL!

18 Replies to “The imaginary brake (backseat driver)”

  1. I have a colleague who actually grab my hands while they were on the wheel just because I don’t drive the same manner with her… horrible experience 🙁

  2. I had to endure not only imaginary brakes. I have a bad navigator telling me where to go, switch on signal lights, honk … basically everything except the gas and real brake padel.

    Very much like Wuching of the Whills … but I retaliate by stopping straight on and say “You drive” 🙂

  3. very frustrating..
    ehehhe
    but normally people who know how to drive will tend to feel scared when they were on others driven car…
    they tend to give instruction…
    human normal lah…

    the best will be those non-driver…they will lantak what ever you do…signal no signal..brake or everything..they just sit quietly without a noise…

  4. everytime my friend takes the driver seat after a few beers and insisting that he is not pissed, i have both my feet pressing against the floorboard so hard that i’m sure i made a big dent on it.

  5. hehehe!! you n me can start ‘the imaginary brake club’ liow…hahaha!!! as long as i’m not the driver, my leg will continue to ‘brake’.

    that’s also the reason why i dont like to sit at the front row when i travel by bus or in a car.

  6. I though people will hold the door handle when they feel unsafe in the car? As a passenger, I normally trust the driver. Even the driver speeding is not an issue to me, unless he never take care of his car or tailgating dangerously. Luckily I rarely sit in such car.

  7. Ah, I have imaginary brake whenever hubby drives. He loves to tailgate other cars, very irritating. I always tell him, if he so berani want to get into accident, wait until the kids and myself are not in the car. Eventhen also, cannot..coz the car is mine.

    Still I hate it when I drive and my passanger has imaginary brake. I think I’m a very cautious driver already. Hehehehe…how ah?

  8. Once a colleague of mine sat in the passenger seat while I drove. He was the imaginery brake and pumped the floor board. I said, “the brakes on that side don’t work too well!” We all laughed and he didn’t do it again.

  9. fishtail – Lucky you did not open the door and dump the guy. LOL.

    Along – Yalor, the tail-gating is what makes me nervous. When I drive, I anticipate the front car is a lousy driver. When he drives, he anticipate people is as skilled as him. So when the front car suddenly braked, I can get heart attack.

    foodcrazee – Yeah, the infamous backseat drivers are mostly women.

    moo_t – Hold door not enough control mah. Must use the hands and legs.

    nerdook – Arrghh..that means next time I also have to endure car rides driven by my son. Another three years.

    Yvy – I notice that la, if I sit at the back, I don’t concentrate so much. But hor, if I go on long distance drive, I wud dozed off and jump up at the slightest braking. LOL.

  10. Kuzco – Same effect or not?

    egghead – Wuah, like that oso can?

    WuChing – You are very patient hor?

    toxicle – My heart goes out to you. LOL.

    kasba – Next time, close eyes and close ears.

    zberjnak – I think taxi drivers must face a lot of these people ya? Kesian them.

    ahpek – Next time do the cross like the Brazillian footballers. Pray to Sai Baba, Lord Murugan, Kuan Kong etc etc.

    MG – Wah, that means you don’t own imaginary brakes la?

  11. My mother does that every time I drive and vice versa! LOL! I cannot tahan her driving. She cannot tahan my driving.

    I remember my first drive with my mom after I got my driving license. It was dang farnee! Mom was sitting beside me.

    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Oi! Ma! Let go of the hand brakes.”
    *car jerks*
    “No. It’s not safe.”
    *mom releases hand brakes*
    “Not safe for what? I got license, ok? I didn’t bribe the..
    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Oi. Stop that!”
    *mom releases hand brakes*
    “Scared you don’t brake in time mah. hehehe”
    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Oi! Stop that lah!”
    *mom releases hand brakes*
    “Ma!!!! The car behind us honking at us lah!”
    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Pull over let me drive. You cannot lah.”
    “Eh, first you said let me drive.”
    *mom releases hand brakes*
    “Cos I want to buy roti mah.”
    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Oi! STOP IT!”
    “Ok, I promise I won’t touch the hand brakes. I’ll be good.”
    *mom releases hand brakes*
    “Ok, good.”
    *mom pulls hand brakes*
    “Ma! STOPPIT!!!!!!! You’re driving me and all the drivers behind us crazy.”
    “Sorry I can’t help myself. hehehe”
    …….

    I think I prefer imaginary brakes to this! LOL

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